My freakin' way

2011-07-31 portfolio

2011-07-31T13:53:00.000+02:00

2011-07-31 portfolio

;-D

Friends are friends for ever...

2011-06-22T15:58:00.002+02:00

Once upon a time...

... there were friends that sang a song and recorded it with the whole band.

Some time later, I got a CD from some dear friends.

Now there are words resonating in my mind. "Where we are in a year from now."

Once in a while it's driving tears to my eyes. I miss those dear friends. And with that, I think of all the dear friends I had and that moved away, or just live on the other side of the world.

They are still in my heart and mind and prayers.

And I always think of what it would be if we speak or see each other again, one day. And one day, maybe we can "shake each other's hands" and "share each other's land", again.

"Maybe I'll be there".

Because friends will be friends, right 'till the end.

facebook badge...

2011-01-17T12:03:00.006+01:00

Isn't it cool: I just added a facebook badge for my profile and it says: "status: none".

Well, there. I'm back on Earth. And I'm not even an 'asylum seeker without a status' (as we have some of, in The Netherlands), I just don't have any status. Or maybe I see it blurred... I have the status 'none'. YEY!

What's 'none'? Something to choose, or something to be given, or something to earn?? Who decides? Who knows...

I know I do have a status at home, and according to my dogs. But maybe facebook doesn't follow the consensus. What status does facebook have? According to me, that is. Or is a status something that is to be formed by the community? Facebook can have the status 'addiction'. Some should go cold turkey with it. Some should go cold turkey with the whole typing thing... or anything with screens...

Facebook connects people. Status 'connector'. And so non-selfish it is! It knows everything from everybody, although it is not sharing all the information. Status 'secret service'.

There's a add that tells you how old you look on your profile picture... who decides?! I'll get me another profile pic, my 2 dogs or so, from behind.

The profile picture isn't 'an profil' at all, by theway. Giving away no profile. Fits to the 'none' status.

I have a brainwave!

"Status: none" is only applicable when not having anybody around. So when you are just you. Where you can FINALLY be yourself. Alone. No status because there is nobody to compare with. No community. Facebook is no community. It's just you. A lone statue on an own pedestal. I know some people who think they are. And I know some people who are sure they should be. And some people who think they are not, but are wrong.

Or isstatussomething you are, not in comparison to others? Then the world of statuses would be easy, and everybody would agree. Because it's a status quo. No status none.

So what's all the fuss with hierarchy then?! No change of status possible, so no change of status allowed.

I'll always stay status none. According to Facebook.

I love me.

Finally...

;)

freakin' thoughts?

2010-08-27T10:28:00.006+02:00

Well, it's been a while again... I can't seem to get into the groove, why did I ever think of writing books and stories...
Maybe it's indeed because I've been told that my thoughts are way too freaky for others, so I better not share. I'm dangerous.

Ow come on! Everybody has freakin' thoughts, right? I just CAN'T be the only alien around all normal sane human beings.
What is normal, by the way? and what's being 'sane' anyway? what's a human being? Why aren't we called elves? or halflings? or dwarfs? or navi? or avatars?
Wouldn't it be cool to not be the tallest two-legged creature on earth, or not to have round ears, or not have hairless feet, or to be blue or purple, or to bend the world around us by dancing? Wouldn't that be cool. Just because there's then more difference between races and people than we have now?

Did our creator maybe created us sort of looking the same, with just a little centimeters difference, and just a little difference in colour, to tell us we are family? Or because we just can't handle being more different than we are now?

If I could know what you have been thinking lately. Or what you do think now. Would you be alarmed? Or would you go on thinking and we start a thought-conversation? Welcoming all passing thoughts of others? About freakin' things. Of course. Who's thoughts are perfectly structured and not scary, like a mathematical system, who's road is always traceable and reproducible?

In churches are lots of guys who studied theology, and especially the older ones have fairly different (freaky) ideas than the younger ones. Then there's the lots of female minds, who probably studied the same area, that think also very different (more freaky?), but from a very different perspective.
Let me share an example of the freaky thoughts of one of our older professors in theology. After seeing the world develop as it does, world meaning the Dutch Reformed liberated tradition, okay maybe a little more of the Netherlands; this professor just wrote down his thoughts about it. His statement comes down to this: there's no leadership anymore, we need leaders as we had in the past, we need people (that is: men) again who tell the people (that is: church people) what to believe and what to think.
Now THAT's freaky thoughts. The few men the ignorant flock should listen to, are of course elected by this theologian himself or his fellow thinking thinkers. As I guess he won't ask me to be in that election board. I'm just one of those ignorant sheep who happens to be theologian too, oh and, darn, I'm a woman even, and that's the more freaky.

Who is to tell me I have freaky freakin' thoughts?! Isn't it more freaky to dream about a time when everybody is to be told what to think? Or even what to believe? By whom?

Lots of people have freaky thoughts, most of them don't turn it into something obligatory for others too, they just share. I had the feeling that this theologian is not just sharing. What if he would be the boss of thinking? Big Brother?

That's not just freaky. It's dangerous. It's an attempt to brainwashing.
Why did God give us a brain anyway? To throw it away because we don't use it, because we're not allowed to use it, by someone who insists on using his brain-thoughts, also for the rest of the world?

beep - beep - fatal error - virus detected - shut down
/\_/\_/\__/\___/\________/\______________________________________

Artists without keeping up appearances

2010-02-08T12:50:00.003+01:00

One of these past days, I found a welknown artist on facebook, and although I didn't know him, I just told him we have a poster of a painting he made of his wife, on our wall.

He immediately responded, invited us to come over to an exhibition he has in The Netherlands, and in case we are the die-hards, we are invited for a more private get-to-know-eachother-exposition, and in case that doesn't work, we just meet somewhere.

After that there's just normal talk between us, and, low and behold, there's a normal man behind the name. Not too hard trying to keep up appearances.

This little 'incident' reminds me of being humble, even though the whole 'world' is fan of you, or your work.

For 'normal people', deep in our heards, it's hard to not try to act a little like Hyacinth-keeping-up-appearances. Stories are usually a little better than reality, more exitement, more creepy, more generous, more humble, more christian.

Imagine you are known to a lot of people, because of what you do, what you know, or who you are. Then you have the luxury of standing on a pedestal. After you did end up there, you don't have to do much, you still stand there. As a friend of ours often says, after I did write my first 2 or 3 books, no editor or publisher is going to check me again, or ask questions: just my name under the script is enough.

Wow, isn't it VERY tempting to just work not as hard anymore as you used to... nobody is going to check you anyway, and not a soul is even thinking of doing corrections on your work or person. Yóu are the expert after all.

So, imagine you are doing arts. Living in some of the most beautifull places on the Earth. People all over the world buy your paintings, or posters of your paintings. And some chick in The Netherlands is emailing you...

Isn't it COOL to be on that pedestal then???

So, in some weeks I know more, and by March we know how real he is, and his wife too. Maybe they come over to Dordrecht and try our marvellous coffea. (not trying to keep up appearances: our coffea IS marvellous, come over and try)

H'm isn't it lack of trust that we usually need some kind of proof...???

That somebody is genuïne, real, nice, humble, buddhist, christian?? Does being humble really exists by the way? Or is it more a posponed pride...

I'm proud to be humble. About our coffea that is ..

Starting a new year

2010-01-11T11:11:00.006+01:00

Although there's the new start of another new year, of course I did take some legacy with me, especially from the last month.

Erysipelas, one definition I found says: "Erysipelas (Greek erusipelas - red skin) (also known as Ignis sacer, Holy fire and St. Anthony's fire) is an acute streptococcus bacterial infection of the dermis, resulting in inflammation." (wiki) The translation program I use says: it's "an acute, spreading, febrile disease characterized by inflammation of the skin, subcutaneous tissues and mucous membranes, due to infection of the lymph spaces of the corium and underlying parts by Streptococcus erysipelatis."

Now I know what that is, looks and feels like in real life. Death creeping up your foot. Thank God for penicillin, otherwise the disease would have a new name by now: St. Diana's fire.

The legacy is still some skin peeling off my foot, and something not quite right with the blood going back up.

(nope, won't put in some horror pics)

Anatomy. The lessons to get us sports masseuses to know what we are moulding, are finally leading up to the climax: exams. In some two weeks.

Next thing to study: physiology. Cells and molecules, what food and movement is doing to those structures. The smaller the more fun.

Organisations. Some organisation we almost started to trust, just got back to us and we feel like the sign - watch out: hidden agenda! - is burning red like hell. Is that what you get when you just search for a tribe? Hidden agenda's and distrust. Feels like the CIA or so.

Another one is trying to get down to the basics, by talking the same talk year after year. They want to build bridges between us and them, that is, we need to build bridges. But different ones we did build ourselves for years. Apparently our way is not theirs. Maybe we still drive on the right side and they drive on the left side... or upside down. That same talk year after year looks like copy-paste, with the desire to get things over with, heal the problems, come closer to each other.

Isn't the definition of madness, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting to help and get results this time?

Small living place. Now it's getting me. Hunting me down, it feels like. I just NEED space. To watch. To run through. To think. To live. Not so much order, or whatever stuff sorted out, everything and everybody is overwhelming me right now. Seeing and feeling everything does. My mind looks like a racetrack without an end, and without a direction. My physical and mental ears thunder like big freight trucks running by or like an earthquake. The physical and spiritual eyes God gave me just hurt like watching too long television in a room full of smoke.

God. Yeah, He's there. Still.

'Mexican flu' + headache = time to think even more

2009-11-05T19:55:00.002+01:00

At least I can sit upright for some time now (yeah!) and type.

Some days with couching, nausea, low temperature, headache and such, urged me to lay down in our dark bedroom. Of course there is much sleeping involved, but also lots of time staring at the ceiling. We do have a very boring ceiling, I discovered. So, in my mind I redesigned somewhat of my dreams, got a new idea here and there, and talked to a lot of friends... Too bad they couldn't hear me (h'm, maybe some of them did).

Didn't talk to God that much though. Somehow I lost some of my freedom in talking to Him. We used to chit-chat about everything during the day, but I lost that connection somewhere. I know I'll find it back after I have peeled off the stubborn parts of my guard.

We (yep, coach/therapist) started with trying to reconnect with me myself. You know, it's a strange challenge to try to find yourself under all the layers of protection. Paul tells us (Galatians) that we should put Gods given armor on, but I think I took that WAY too litteraly, and took all I could find in His creation, to put on for selfprotection. Of course that did cover the spiritual armor of what Paul is talking about. The challenge is to be brave again. Fight myself in a way. The journey is fun though. Especially now that I don't try it on my own, I think for the first time in my life. The therapist I found feels good, I trust her, she's almost as crazy as I was (historic proof??? I don't know, maybe it's just in my head), and she found a way to cope with her gifts.

So, I found out that thinking with a headache doesn't make the last one worse, just the first one more chaotic.

The Arts-Hotel I have in my head emerged fresh from under the dust, because someone I trust said that she saw sort of flames and sparks while I was telling about the dreams I have. Although I was very enthousiastic about all of my dreams and passions, this one stood out. Therefore I did some rethinking. I added some Castle in Scotland. Talked about it with a friend overthere, she got some of my enthousiasm too. Added our farm idea, growing most of our own food and such. Worked out my ideas about the wellness/spa thing, adding my massage somewhere.

You know what: I constantly come across the name Juillard. This week right up my face three times. First time had to do with dance, second time was arts, third time was jazz. Of course immediately I started reflecting on my arts: wouldn't it be cool to give myself the time to do something with my instruments... or my poor brushes... or get my camera upgraded. I should buy tickets to Tijuana, to go to my friend Wendy, to attend her photography classes next year. Wow. And I would just LOVE to get me a space to work it all out, a studio, for music and painting and photo/film editing.

Now that I can't buy the jacket I wanted for the money I got for my birthday, I can buy a massage table... and get the practicing going! Or maybe the fruit trees I want in my garden. Or a juice maker, to get the best juice from my own fruits. Or a drying oven for making my own beef jerky. Or a WII.

I want big stairs in my Arts Hotel. With enough room to put a big X-mas tree in the middle. Not exactly like the Arts Fabrik Hotel in Germany, where we once were (after a Rock Legends festival), that felt like they have just modern arts. Although I want to have some of that craziness that some spots in the hotel have (dining hall, some rooms). Hotel Arts Barcelona is modern and looks good, but suits more the rich and wealthy. Also the painted rooms in Hotel des Arts in San Francisco are maybe a little too much for most of the visitors I'm aiming for...

I want it more feeling like the Castle-Hotel we stayed during our grandfather's 90'th birthday: warm, with lots of history in it, high ceilings, big fires, big stairs. Where artists of all kinds can find a place to relax, to reflect, to find peace, to find inspiration, to work, to talk to other freaks like them :D

A well, having some of the dogs I always loved: the Borsoi. Having lots of space for the kids and Borsois to play and have fun, and learn from nature. Wouldn't that be cool.

Not the city like I was plunged in during the film "save the last dance". But it was slammin' to dive in the culture overthere. The film is so good in getting the atmosphere in your head, I felt it, I even wanted to learn to dance more, again. There was also a good balance in feeling sorry for the mayhem some black people in the US land in, ánd the pride some other black people from the same community show, that get them out of the prejudice some whites have. I did feel sorry for the struggles there, appearantly, still are between people who just have a different colour.

I could go on with this, now that I try to recall the last days, staring at the ceiling.

Honestly, I want to try to really get my thoughts on 'paper', and not only the censured version.

Welcome to the mind of a sensation-seeking-HSP.

High Sensitivity II

2009-10-05T19:59:00.002+02:00

Well, I started to accept and work WITH it.

After I did a workshop about HSP's, I discovered that I am not the only freak out there, and that the coach is having the same sympthoms as I have...
We are High Sensitive Sensation Seekers and it's only that we don't look like eachother at all from the outside, otherwise we could have been sisters. Twins maybe even, but that's something I'm going to find out next friday and beyond:

We are about to do some coaching sessions together, and see what's coming out for me.

Think of me, and maybe pray for some light on this subject.

High Sensitivity

2009-09-10T12:22:00.003+02:00

- I posted this on a Dutch community site this week in the morning, maybe it's interesting to try to translate -

I've always known it, I feel and see and notice lots more details than many others around me. That's the life of an art lover, I used to think. 'Maybe I should become an artist or something', but no, that was at my study age not done: a smart girl prepares for her future (and chooses something technology)! Well then, I was going to do technology, because I was smart too. Music, drawing and dancing and such, that was fun for hobby, addition to life, but you're not that crazy that you expect to let that determine your income. Heck no, imagine you should fill you entire day with something as shabby as that.

Wouldn't it be just WONDERFUL! Being blessed with the ability to do your art... and doing it for whole days too! and weekends, and evenings, and holidays ...
Imagine you doing what you don't even want to do as a hobby, but then for all the freakin' working days you have... then you're pretty sour. And in case you are a High Sensitive Person, you slowly but surely seem to sink in the swamp of burn-out.

In case you're highly sensitive to moods and atmospheres, then you get the idea ... I am somewhat irritated, cynical and such, and especially pleased that I seem to be stuck in the burning swamp, and that the escape lies primarily in yet a number of years to finish what I started, because loose ends are also dead ends...

Should I drop some intellectual stuff, and just dig with my hands in the mud, in the paint, hands full of brushes, or ready to plaster, or at my instruments, or massage the muscles of others?? Just a year or so to recover mentally and emotionally, crafts, friends, nature, doesn't that look like heaven?
And after that start again, with renewed energy but with reflection time built in, for example?

Finally, wouldn't it be wonderful to do something with the gifts that I have hidden somewhere in being highly sensitive... to help others, because I can sense virtually everything: hidden agendas, feelings, emotions, blockages, solutions... and because I can see things that others apparently do not see, but still should consider using: emotional, mental, spiritual ...

Well, you out there, accept it: I'm a freak for real.

Now I have to still accept it, or be locked away, safely away.

Hey y'all, we're 6 now!

2009-06-22T17:24:00.011+02:00

Surprise surprise, we got a new familymember!!

Here's the story:
May was the most busy month I can remember, sertainly from this school-year. Not only because we were 'out', I had a big school subject to finish (Early Church History), I had to rethink the how-and-what about the Winteracademy (arts/painting classes, 3 weekends: Februari, March, April), we as a couple attended the Staff Candidate Orientation Course from Christian Associates International, but we also had to deal with major mindset changes.... -grrrroovy- (have in mind the voice of Jim Carrey)
Of course all this stuff (being out, exams, evaluation, course) is stored somewhere in the mind untill there is a little time to reflect, and of course we were way too busy to have that reflection time.
Result: June is the sorry-ass month: the freaky-spots-decease that did hit the school of the kids, spread around our little family. Debora got the red sports first (we thought it to be a sort of sun allergy), Salome had some little red spots like very tiny pimples first, then this week she had the same red spots as Debora, and Jonathan developped the same little red spots Salome had at first... Accompanied by running noses, some sore throat, some ear pain, not too bad, but very very tired. Of course the adults were just tired, and we felt all very sorry for ourselves.

So, let's go on with the part that started the whole mindset stuff: our little 2 week trip to the northern part of Scotland: Freswick Castle, in the town of Freswick. (okay, need to do a different post about just that!) Our new friends overthere, Monique Sliedrecht and Murray Watts share our dreams and we agreed sort of to help eachother to make those dreams real (thrilling!). (yeah, deserves another different post)
Our dear 'daddy-in-crime' Murray has a lovely dog named Tiffy, and Jonathan, who is usually very affraid of dogs, even liked her.... so... as soon as we were home again, he started asking for a dog. Salome, our little model, agreed, and of course Debora agreed too, because she likes all kinds of adventures. That's where the adventure really started.....

We started searching the internet (thanks to all kinds of clubs, societies and wikipedia) and soon found out that the dog I loved to have all my reading life: The BORSOI, would fit our little family.
I found the one and only "Barsoi-club" in The Netherlands, searched their whole website, found some well known breeders, and found out that there was a breeder who just had had a litter in March! Parents were the most beautifull daddy Drachan and mommy Zadira, and they are both also soft and lovely. What to wish for more? But of course March was already long gone, so I supposed the littleones were long gone too.
Long story short: I send her an email, asked some questions, she answered right back, invited us to the club day with some shows, and of course to come and have a coffea (yeah), to get to know the Pagranitsjniki-family of 6 grown-up Borsois and 8 welps... So, we did dive right in, and especially Jonathan had his first close contact with the big aristocratic breed of the Barsoi. Salome was litteraly facing the huge dogs, and loved them immediately. Jonathan didn't even hide and took only a very slight detour to go where he wanted, by himself... Debora just loved it all, wanted to walk some of the dogs and stroked the ones who were very nice. My hubby and I were just watching the kids, the dogs, and the community around it. We loved it. We even felt accepted. Everyone knew us because we were some of the rare guests and we came with the 5 of us.
There was 1 beautifull white female for sale still, she was one of the best 'build' Barsoi welps of the litter and the breeder wasn't sure yet which bitch she would keep, the beautifull white one or her sister. Breeder and sister made the best connection and we and the white one became family. But, we made a deal: in case our beauty was good to breed with, we would give her back to the breeder for getting at least one litter with her. So now she is co-owned by us and the Pagranitsjniki breeder.

So, we're 6 now: our white Barsoi-lady is called Chaika, which means 'white seagull' in Russian, because the Borsoi is the Russian Wolfhound/Greyhound. She is an aristocrat, very cuddly, lovely. She loves us and we love her. Up to adventure!

Fit Yummy Mummy Challenge 2009

2009-04-09T10:24:00.004+02:00

Okay, here's my final status in pictures. I'm going to get fit, get over my pelvic instability, get healthy, and be able to keep up with our kids again! This all by doing some heavy workouts and intense intervals and of course lots of healthy eating. Thanks to Holly Rigsby and her FYM System (check out the link on my blog, somewhere on the right).

Even the skin on my face is looking and feeling better (healthy food, better bloodflow, less fat)

Just got to get this on the web, to keep me accountable for working on my future self.

Back to the swing of things

2009-03-02T22:38:00.005+01:00

Yeah, we did all survive Christmas (and the food did taste as good as it looked in the pic's in the blog before this one) ;-D so now the normal life is back in full power, with some extras added...

Studying theology is a source of happiness, new things, thoughts, getting to know God's ways better, receiving stuff enough to be present in any discussion... These days are filled with Early Church History, so I'm very into reading the Apostolic Fathers and Eusebius' Church history. Does that time look like this time!

Last weekend we had a seminar about social justice, with Carl Raschke. He was our guest for one night, and we had lots of good talks... to be continued for sure. And, oh my, a good friend of ours is photographer, and he was assigned to take some official pictures of Carl (for a Christian opinion magazine), but after the photoshoot with Carl, he announced that there was time for others to get a little photoshoot too.... -sigh- ... and of course our oldest daughter got me that far... I was in FRONT of the camera to get my face pictured in a serious way (not the freaky things that they accept on passports ;-d) ... for the first time of my adult life... My goodness, was that scary, but after some time I just saw some lens, and my grinn was not that unsure anymore...

Music is a little too much behind: need to finish my introduction course to the part time Conservatoir I'm involved with... my poor sax is hiding behind some dust... just like my piano... and drums... and flute... -sigh- .... even singing is not as much a relaxing thing as it is stressfull... What is that? I used to live on music, and now it's 'too much work' for crying out loud. But, as a lovely teacher of mine always says: "For several artists there is a season for everything, and you have the seasons more strictly seperated than others" So I guess I'm not in the music season then.

Painting is going strong! I did organize the Winteracademy (part of the Christian Artists Union in The Netherlands), and the first weekend was a succes! The new way of doing this course is getting some attention now, so next year will be even more succesfull. The only thing is, though, that I am not allowed to advertise with the course in my own church... too bad I still don't know the painters in our church, so how do I find them then??

Our little group of arts students is happy with the initiative to get them together, talk about life issues and work together on some project or so. They are lovely, kids, in to anything, and vague ;-D so next time there will be more to feed and welcome in our home.

Just church is not what it's supposed to be. The emphasize is on coming to the sunday service. No community stuff. Not able to talk about that too.
I'm dying in there.
So now it's time for the last options to keep the relationship alive.
I feel like trying to stay, because it is a group of people that doesn't have much in common, just the sunday services (two of them). I know there are people suffering from that, not knowing how to change it other than walk away, to protect themselves from spiritually dying. I know there are spiritual gifts among the members of our church, that are not being used for the benefit of others, just because there is NO WAY of talking about it, let alone help eachother with learning it. I know there are artists among us and they don't know how to be the christian artist they want to be without hiding in their own homes, stating their art is just a 'hobby'.

But for me it's time for the last options. I'm slowly dying spiritually. It's in the final stages.

chirstmas dinner for the family

2008-12-19T21:51:00.006+01:00

Now this is how it's going to look!

Today I had a nice and busy day of thinking about a Christmas dinner for our little family of now 10. First get into count our little kids, and the even younger kids of my little brother, so: no fancy tasts, no surprises in taste or texture, but almost normal food. Well, to be honest, I did fancy in the thinking, and I really do believe the kids will love this!

The meat is somewhat sweet, the three kinds of veggies are sweet too, and the dessert is just an old jummy typical Dutch "vlaflip-grandma-Karsijns"

we don't accept any more bookings ;-D

Take care, and have a very blessed Christmas, and some super holidays!

H'm

2008-12-16T22:19:00.004+01:00

Well... it's almost a year now since I've blogged anything... about anything...

maybe I just don't have enough thoughts...

I really do think that I just have this blog in the vain believe that someone outthere is willing to read it. To really have the desire to know what I think. Too bad I don't think that much, hey.

So, from now on (here's another promise) (again) I will just write down what I think (yeah, little secret: I DO think once in a while!) because I'm the only one who is interested, and sometimes it's just fun to look back and discover the sheer fact that I really DO think. Therefore I am. Proof.

Continental Art

2008-01-20T22:07:00.000+01:00

Ever heard of Continental Art???

Just some weeks ago, after I tried all I could think of to get to talk to YwaM Europe, but everything bounced back with more questions for me, and less answers to solve those big questions, I had a wild idea: let's send Mr. Continental Arts an email, talk about our even wilder YwaM plans, and see what I am able to learn (usually I'm not that teachable)

Now, thát's interesting! Try to get your nerves out of the way, act like you are crazy, because the known world already is aware of that, and be brave! All sorts of funny, never thought of, surprising and exactly what you needed, things explode in your face.... The only thing for me to do was: catch!

Now I'm into that Arts Community, trying to get into how things work, to understand fellow artists, and even better: finding all kinds of cool workshops and courses! Finally I found some like minded souls out there: trying to express themselves, music, visual arts, christian.... and they love to help each other to become a better artist. I love this.

And the best part is yet to come, but that's something for another time.... I still have to be accepted to work things out.... here in our hometown.... yeah, has to do with music, singing, dancing, big stages, big production, kids..... (and I sneaky dream of helping to set this up in more places than just Dordrecht.... or the Netherlands.... and maybe our Continental Arts Centre is also dreaming this..... (pss: maybe our Boss is dreaming this with us too....))

'my' church

2007-12-04T23:02:00.000+01:00

.... would be Jesus Christs church!
Every believer would say 'amen' to that, I pray.

But what exactly ís Jesus' church looking like these days? Sort of the same as it did some two thousand years ago? Does it take into account those two thousand years of possibility to grow? Did Jesus' church by the way learn anything during those two thousand years? What do we believe to be the best representative of His church today, in our own neighbourhood? Does that even matter: surrounding neighbourhood, culture? Is Jesus' church here with me in Holland, Dordrecht even, different, in style or expression or so, from the church somewhere else? Even somewhere else in Holland? Is Jesus' church a city church or a nature church? Is that all Jesus' church? Or are on different places different churches of Jesus? How are we as humans able to be accountable to each other? Is there a sort of blueprint to find, what the basis is where to build the church of Cornerstone Jesus on? Can we help each other to build 'our' churches while we are so different? Do we need all be the same, think the same, dress the same? Did God create culture too? As He created different environments, created different languages, created different people, created different colours..... etc., did He gave us the possibility to create His church on His earth in the same pluri-form way? Did our Creator even give us the possibilities to create ourselves? Are we Creative too? So what to do with our (lack of?) creativity; in life, in culture, in church?

I wonder what 'my' church would look like....

emerging...

2007-11-18T15:09:00.000+01:00

There's a lake in the mountains. Fed by the year round rains, and the water that is running of the mountains. Water from once cold ice and snow fields, it started to melt and ran into the lake. It was formed long ago, and hold in the hands of the mountains. There is also a little stream going out of the lake, to disappear. A big stream is running trough the mountains, right to the sea. During hard times, when the sun is burning the water surface, some water disappears too, into the air. A bit of that vapor returned when the atmosphere started to be cooler again.
It is known that the lake was almost dried up in early days. Some water appeared to be stored into the surrounding soil, because not all the flora around the lake died.
It is a big lake, that mirrored the mountains all around. Just that was long ago. The place where the big lake was, is still there, but the water level is low again. Not too low, but still not on the intended level.
There is something strange. The mountains can not be seen mirrored in the water anymore, their only reflection appears like a big blob, no details. But there are also no waves to be seen. Not even the tiniest one. That was a lot different in early days: lots of storms reached the water surface, and blew even waves with lots of vapor coming out. But these days: not even a gentle breeze, those relaxing breezes that cool of a little, and gives the feeling of being caressed.
There is also an other strange thing: the water does not reflect the light from the sun that much anymore. It is as if the water is not completely made out of the same substance as long before. There is a sort of veil over it. It looks like .................

Suddenly the water surface is showing some riddles! It is not the gentle breeze that is already blowing for ages, because it's not all over the lake. There is something stirring up the water. The water looks like honey, sticky, hard to shake off. As if it is trying to keep the surface as flat as possible.
But on several places there's something coming out of the surface. Here and there are little fish to see that try to get some air, and how strange it seems: they try to get that air above the surface instead of under it. It is surprising that no one is trying to chop their little heads off. That was what they feared. They finally found a way to catch air again, to catch that lovely breeze again.

say and do what you are??

2007-11-18T09:38:00.000+01:00

If the above statement is true, I don't want to really know everybody who is expressing themselves in their saying or doing.

In The Netherlands we have a saying that goes like: The way the hotel keeper is, that's how he trusts his guests. Very blunt people just say: "I don't believe what you say." as if you thought out all those words in vain. In real life it goes usually very sneaky, in something like this: "The way we acted is based upon your lack of responsibility, you are known to not giving any attention to rules; but this time we were wrong." And in the meantime you wonder where they get that idea from, and why the speaker of this sentence is using you as an excuse of his own fault. Well: then you have encountered a real saying-hotel keeper. Mark this, and stay suspicious. The only problem that rises, is that the suspiciousness is way too easy turned into a state of saying-hotel keeper and in that case you have your own way of being that hotel keeper. I almost turned into that state. Some leaders of the school of our kids just told us that they don't trust us, and yes, it was because of our supposed not giving attention to the rules.

So, never be a hotel keeper: everybody is watching you. The same as being a pastor, I have heard. Just like being a woman walking, just by yourself, on the street.

The good thing is: I never walk alone.

The problem is: I am trying to learn how to be an official pastor. So in some years, I will be watched.

Next: I have a dream: starting a hotel.... does that make me the hotel keeper???

control-freak

2007-11-06T23:32:00.000+01:00

A typical pilot; that's what I am.
I'm a control freak.
I never want to give the control out of my hands, into other human hands.
There's only One Who is allowed and able to get 'my' controls: He's the chief pilot.

Maybe this is the time in my life where He is teaching me not only to be a better co-pilot in my life, but also to see and accept the fact that there are way more people on Earth that are better co-pilots than just me. And that I need them too.
Because we're not just flying the plane, but also sailing the boat of life, and sailing a huge boat is done with lots and lots of people and equipment.

I try to learn that life is not about flying alone.
It's about sailing, working together, because you simply are not able to do all things in life everywhere at the same time and in the best way. Others are given to fill my gaps, and I am given to others to fill their gaps. That's team-work. Community.

My flight instructor (http://www.christianwings.org/) taught me to be very self confident, almost arrogant, because the minute you question your abilities, you fail in the challenging task that is before you. But also: the minute you become arrogant, you take too much risk, and fail that task the other way. A matter of life or death.
He was so right.

It's all about trust.
In yourself.
In others.
In the Captain.

Confidence comes when you know who you are, they say. Or when you accomplish something, or get a degree, or when others accept you. Most of us people seek acceptance, from other seekers.
We don't have too search: acceptance is ours, from the Captain Himself for crying out loud!
Why is it that we keep on searching?
Because knowing is not enough?! We need to feel it too. Feel that the steering wheel is still moving after we lift our hands to really give the controls away. We need to feel to discover that we weren't steering in the first place, just holding the joke: to feel what it should be like: keeping track.

I'm slowly learning again to look around to rediscover the scenery.

(check out http://www.bush-planes.com/ where I got some of these pic's from!)

(this post was planned to be posted somewhere in Spring, but got delayed due to me getting my picture to be scanned....)

Geisler, Turek and Brown

2007-10-21T21:08:00.000+02:00

There isn't a time that I'm not trying to read a book, or more at the same time, with the only exception the time that I'm freakin' ill. I love reading a book in as litle time that I'm able to, and love to read about the time that others have, spend, had or want to have. So that's about everything.

Last summer I was seriously freakin' ill. I got sick of it after two weeks, went to the physician, and he told me my immune system was recovering from a pneumonia-in-the-making. In the Netherlands that means: no medicine, because my body did a good job. Thanx. The following two weeks all the more or less empty spaces in my body filled up with infections, just enough to keep my temperature nice and warm. Hey, the good thing is: my immune system is back in business! so I will be as healthy as a horse the coming years.... The freakin' bad thing was: I couldn't even read!

So: I had to keep up after that. And that's now!

I couldn't resist: after all the fuss about it, the resistance of my dear husband to buy it and with that raise the selling numbers, and after I tried to read it during our YwaM DTS outreach in Fort McMurray, I finally red the Da Vinci Code 'till the end in two days.

After that I resumed the book of Norman Geisler and Frank Turek: "I don't have enough faith to be an atheist". Not as an antidote, it's one of the books I was reading before the summer. But it felt like a breath of fresh air in my world of science. Some of my other books in reading progress are the books "Evolution: a theory in crisis", from Michael Denton, and "Ecclesiology" from Veli-Matti Karkkainen. Those are a little more tough to read. Geisler and Turek make science even more fun. Just like Lee Strobel in his book "The Case for Christ", and more of his 'case' books; they write as if they are standing in front of you, telling you the stuff, and showing slides. You go for a little pause to get yourself a coffee, and happily go on with the lecture. To learn and remember.

Within this context I read The Da Vinci Code. I had my science- button 'on', so I loved the facts and science Dan Brown weaves into his book, but of course stumbled in his brilliant pits with non-science presented as science, and beliefs presented as science, and science presented as faith, larded with lots of legends and history: I had my pencil already in my hand to put the answers, other and real facts next to the text (as I do with my study books). Just in time I remembered the fact that I borrowed the book from my dear friend (so no writing!). After a big breath, I remembered the facts Brown noted on the first page of this book, and the reality of the book: it's a good-guys-bad-guys novel. I love that suspense. He almost got me. Every ten-some pages. I did read all his other suspence-novels these last weeks, and loved it, although I thought The Da Vinci Code was his best. Maybe I got used to his style.

Now I'm into studybooks again. I have to say: that suits me better. It's more freeing my grey cells and leads me more into connecting with the subject, maybe just because it is all about the real thing... ?!

SMAC JULY 2007

2007-09-03T14:07:00.000+02:00

Now this is something I longed for for years, and you know what? This year was the 10th anniversary of SMAC..... I just didn't look in the right direction. Reminds me of my conversation with God: He keeps on talking to me, but I just don't listen in the right direction. Happy me: I found some who dared to talk about their walk with God, so I could learn. My first learning happened within our YwaM-DTS student-team, and my second step in the learning process was during SMAC.

SMAC stands for Schloss Mittersill Arts Conference. The organizers loved it so much, that they want to go on for some other decades: THANK YOU, I love you, and I'll be coming there for ever! - that was a between brackets remark -

SMAC 2007 was my first conference with all Christians and just the arts: visual as in painting, drawing, 3D-art, film, drama and musical as in choir and percussion (the musical arrangement workshop had just 2 workshoppers, and we were send to the choir and percussion.... well, see you next year Martin M. (site in Austrian(!) and English) or maybe I'll go on with the percussion-workshop-year-two) and of course lots'a talkin'. We learned a lot about how to use art to get to the basics of live, to give others the opportunity to catch a little about the believe we have, and that Christian art has nothing to do with painting crosses or doves all the time. I learned some new rhythms from our groovin' and funny teacher Willi P. (with an Austrian website to be build, but it has at least his picture) and got to know lots of new friends! And of course (important for the percussionist in me) that 'Sing a NEW song' really does mean a NEW song. Not something old in a new jacket, although it is by then much better to digest.

The NEW in making a song is appealing to me, because I tend to write poetry sometimes: what's the difficulty of applying all the rules of songwriting workshops I had??? 'Just do it', I hear in my head. Those new jackets apply for me just to Scripture. All other old things to be made shiny again, have more to do with old wine in new wine-bags. I have a big thing in my head that could be the framework of something musical: turn the Psalms and other Scripture verses into something that can be sung in the churches. But also has potential of being used in praise-and-worship nights, or concerts of rock bands (like ours, nope, no website yet ;-D). And the best part: write that much music to it, that it makes a philharmonic orchestra sound good.... ..... ..... ..... okay, needs lots of education for me.... But hey: sometimes we need a good, big, far away goal, to remind us of our God Who is never too small, although He is too often thought of that way!! My God is bigger than my dreams, so I'll just pray, and find that Conservatory (too bad: just Dutch site) that loves to teach me after I finished my Bible school (thinkin' international, but still a Dutch site) ...

Oh, and SMAC even awakened my painting and drawing skills, and gave me the opportunity to take lots of pictures to put somewhere on my (future) websites and in my portfolio to get some freelance jobs as a starting photographer... with the Department of Agriculture in the Netherlands for instance ;-D (always start dreaming big ?)

Now I just need some more time, like 72 hours in one day or so... maybe I should teach myself to work 4 times as hard as I do now... ???

REFLECTION

Some dear friends of us (they are like a mom and dad to me) loved to see the pictures and hear the stories of our adventures at DTS 2006 and SMAC 2007, and they are not believers in Christ. That made me wonder: how could I use my arts to show them the love of Christ for them???? They already know the church-stories about believing, heaven and hell, and lots of traditions. They rejected that.

They've known me for all my life, and I love them so dearly, and still I have not been able to get to their hearts with the Good Message, and it's hurting me!

"Oh Lord, may all the dreams you gave and will give me, comfort, strengthen or affirm others, and may they even lead to salvation of some,
may my second-parents Jan & Hilda be among them, even better: be the first ones to come to You....

AMEN"

pride, prejudice and predestination?

2007-07-29T19:45:00.000+02:00

My son got placed in a box. He is the tallest of his class, he just had his first half year of school, he is a typical wait-and-watch kind 'a guy, and he's very sensitive.
So, with all this ingredients, his teacher asked me one day if we managed to get him to the street dance lessons where we took a look once. Yeah, because he's a tall guy and he's a little different and slow in his moving skills, she said, but, hey, that's something that's more often the case with those long people.

Well, we are all long people in both our families, and we have a history of all very strong people in my part of the family. We are tall and slender, not the bigger kind with big hands and stuff. And we are all very good in fine moving skills: fine arts and the aim and shoot bulls eye kind of things. No clumsy person around (except for the glasses of chocolate milk that get launched once in a wile, but hey: all under-five-year-old's have that problem sometimes). Predestination.
And that's Jonathan too. On top of that: the teacher got by the time she made the remark, three times to check his moving skills, and after some time he got 'the moves' and was faster than the rest, because he has long legs and loves dancing. Conclusion: he is tall, a little shy, very sensitive, so he must have problems with big and small moves. -sigh- Prejudice.
So here comes my maternal instinct: my little baby is growing up to be a big guy, and I'm proud of that! He's just as sensitive as I am, as his big sis is, and as the other ones in the world who are not being understood by most other parts of that same world.

Would he suffer just like me, from his sensitivity? Predestination?
Would he turn into something he is not, because of expectations outside himself? Prejudice? Why does that have to start this early?
Would he one day find himself back in the arms of His Creator and finally know his destination, his only audience of One, his personality, again? With Pride?

I pray that he is allowed to discover the prejudice-part lots later than my hubby and I did.
I pray that he is allowed to discover the predestination-part and especially that last part a little more early than we did.

Amen.

Why is the time always gone...

2007-06-22T13:29:00.000+02:00

nope, I wasn't dying the past some months

on the contrary:

* praying about how to end my school (dutch site): with a masters? first 2 centuries? linked with post-modern 21 century? involving the one and only communications-area that seems to be relevant in a individualistic society that's dying to know how to express themselves without getting overheated..... ? yep: ARTS! (maybe I can make a PhD out of that ;-D - as I hear some rockin' freaks yell: 'dream on! you're fooling yourself, so dream on!' (Nazareth, yeah, I know, bad me, I can't help it, I just heard that phrase in my head))

* trying to get the meaning of several dreams I had: finding a cure for me, a cream, a text, a Zoo; taking cover in a ditch, getting up in the middle of a fight and remember my destiny, be in charge of a castle/fortress, defend it with 'my' army (intriguing)

* recovering fast from our F-DTS experience: a week of Joseph Avakian in the last lecturephase of the Creative-DTS in Aalesund, lots and lots of meetings with students, staff, board, directors in Norway and the leaders of the LPC course in Restenas Sweden -> experiencing the good of YwaM (the bad and ugly have a place now, they're eaten and digested - yaharrrr)

* elected to be board member for our choir 'Sjofar' (dutch site) (okay, okay, I am the naive rookie.... let's keep it that way ;-D)

* trying to find out what's the best way to build networks in the European/World artist community, if that community even exists.... and found out that there will be a conference (6-14 of July) in Mittersill, Austria, that's exactly what we had in mind (musicians, visual artists, teachings, workshops, yummm); so now I just have to figure out the cheapest way to go there....

... and of course in the first place: trying to raise our kids in a place they can call 'home': where the 5 of us are together; raise them to be the best warriors in Gods army He made them to be; raise them to see the good, bad and ugly in the world, to support the good, work on the bad, and transform the ugly, especially in the Earthly part of Gods Kingdom so that the rest of the world has no reason at all to point fingers!
And we want to teach our god given miracles in the knowledge that the only haven they can trust is Gods, and that we as parents try to represent that the best we can.

Everyday we start with the last part, usually I quit too early, try to make a little bit of all the rest, and still I ask myself 'Why's the time always gone..?' ;-D

Free??

2007-03-05T20:45:00.000+01:00

Last week I was still surprised that I felt free after a comment somebody made. Of course it wasn't 'just' somebody: this was somebody I deeply respect and love, someone who taught me important aspects of life, someone who would always search for the best for me, and will love me no matter what.

Isn't it strange? I have known that person all my life, I know that person's intentions, I know that person's heart, I listened to everything that person said, I thought, and I believed it. But apparently I didn't do anything with it that should impact my 'status'. Knowing that person didn't reflect in my everyday life. I still was bound and felt it that way, the older I got. Even after growing up (more or less) and setting my own rules, I thought, finding my own way in life, I thought. I held my rules and ways to the Light to let that shine through, but still I was bound. Apparently.

Because now I feel free. Almost completely free. Like a heavy burden falling from my shoulders. Knowing the fact that you are free is apparently something different than getting the exact words that tell that you are free.

I'm free!
There's no one on this Earth with the right to question me.
I have just an audience of One!
That One is most important.

Luckily for the 'little' ones around me, the BIG One told me to be really good and stuff, so that no one on this Earth could tell something about me that could fit in the newest tabloids. Okay, even better, that everybody could only speak good about me, and praise my Creator.

Right!
Let's try that again.
Coming on steam slowly, but surely; maybe one day I will be a really useful steam engine (although I prefer red, in stead of blue)

(thanx to my kids and Robbymac who remind me of those freakin' steam engines on the most strange times and in the most strange places)

Burn-out

2007-02-17T16:50:00.000+01:00

I didn't listen to my own advice
didn't renew my decorations
did stare only to the old ones
kept on staring

My body is hurt
my mind is chaos
my emotions are exploding
my feelings are numb

I have a spirit
somewhere
but it's solid

I have courage
somewhere
but it's hidden

I have words
somewhere
without sound

I have music
somewhere
but it's silent

I have the Spirit
somewhere
I have the Messiah
somewhere
I have the Father
somewhere

He is holding me

X-mas tree for life

2006-12-18T22:49:00.000+01:00

Just before the old closes, we started something new.
I love starting something new. And I love making it perfect.
-ah well, whatever-

We redecorated and rearranged our living room stuff: right after the last 'Sinterklaas' -giving-gifts-to-the-kids evening, we build up our fake X-mas tree, rearranged every couch and table, and put the freakin' tree in a corner of the room. The kids did a wonderful job hanging all kinds of fabric and plastic decoration materials in the lower parts of the tree. That's to prevent the glass-thing from getting grabbed by our 1.5-year old when you're not paying attention.... Especially Cd's that don't work anymore are beloved tree-hanging-things.
The top-part is my dominion: glass my-first-Xmas balls for all our kids (3), old nostalgic decoration material I got from my mom and cards with prayers or scriptures.

Why on Earth do we want a tree in the house? To hang it full with lights and glass? My goodness.
And if it's better for your health to have a non-asthma-inducing thing, we have a fake tree for crying out loud.

I love the little lights. I love candles. I love bling-bling. So cosy. We have a word for that: gezellig. That's unable to translate in English, but it has the feeling of such a decorated tree. Sitting next to it with a mug full of hot chocolate, a little fire in the fireplace. Together with soul mates.

It's time again to rethink life. To organize a reflection moment, or better, reflection day, or even better, reflection week. To get your mind empty. To listen. To talk to God. And listen again. For a long time. Reading His Word. Singing. Playing music. Listening to music. Be quiet. That kind of reflection. What your life is all about. What's your goal. What's the way to get there. Who is going to walk with you, help you, be with you. Redecorating. Rearranging the whole living. Turning it into something worth living for again. Knowing where to go for, and go for it.
We have time again to put some little lights in our life, all around.
We should decorate our life again, with something new, with something shiny, with something old that gives good memories, with something broken to laugh about, with some things that are unable to break.
But all your life decorations should be things that you love. That make you smile when you look at it, and that makes you want to look at it. You'll see: even others are trying to catch a glimpse of your tree-of-life, and others are going to love to look at it, learn from it.

Life is made to be happily lived.
Ever after.

Back in Business

2006-12-13T18:18:00.000+01:00

That is, the slow come-back of health in our family's life is finally giving me time to give it out again. To examns on sociology. To music. To buying presents.

In the Netherlands we have a sort of competition between mr. Sint (saint) Nicolaas aka mr. Sinterklaas and his name-brother mr. Santa Claus. The first is celebrating his birthday (dec.6) on the day he passed away (dec.5) some hundreds and hundreds of years ago, and the second is his flown over ghost in the new world.
Because the real saint Nicolas was rich and as a bishop of Myra (Turkey), had christian tendencies to give it away, we also give presents to eachother. And maybe because Nicolas was a bishop, giving good advice to everybody, we write some poems that go with sertain presents, to give good advice too. Or to tell somebody in a subtile manner that he/she could do something typical a little different next time.... Whatever.
The Netherlands seem to be the only country in the world that is celebrating this event, why that is, I have no idea. It's a nice ocasion though to organize a feast with typical Dutch pastry!
(for recipies, e-mail me ;-D)

Nowadays the ghost of Sinterklaas is called back to the Netherlands by king Media, and together both Sinterklaas and Santa Claus are in service of the ruler of lifes; queen Spender.
The Sinterklaas-hype starts usually around october with all kinds of pastry in the stores, and all kinds of offers from all kinds of stores. It's a nice ocasion to get to know your citycenter updates. At the end of november the first glassballs and X-mas-green-stuff can be found in the stores. (to give at a present at Sinterklaas maybe?) Than we give bigtime attention to the celebration itself on december the fifth, or the weekend after or even better, more than once: first time mom and dad are playing Sinterklaas and giving presents, later grandpa and grandma are playing Sinterklaas. Result: a full-house, and kids with too much to play with.
Than somewhere 'round december sixth the X-mas hype starts big time. And the whole mediacircus is starting all over again to try to get your last money out of the house. And you know what? the Dutch kids are loving presents under a tree in the house also.

The power of money. The power of greed. The power of connecting 'giving presents' with 'love and real communication and celebrating life together'.

And inbetween we have something with a little baby who was the biggest King ever and after life on Earth, turned into a richer biggest King/Man ever. Try to explane that. To the world. To your kids.

Community...?

2006-11-19T22:57:00.000+01:00

Why is it usually so easy to love the lover of my soul; when I see His artwork in my kids, or His artwork in painting skies and clouds, or the outcome of His gift in my life, the things He gives me the opportunities for, and the gifts, and the support, when I think of what He has done for me, or what He is at this very moment doing for me, the things He gives in the hearts and minds of my family and my friends, the gifts and opportunities He gives them, to be used together with eachother and together with my gifts and talents to give Him the honor He should get from His bride.

And why is it sometimes so difficult to be openminded, just standing with your arms and hands open, with nothing than myself to give, loving some other children of Him? loving the church?
Why am I not always able to see them as His beloved children, so that I love them too?

Living together as brothers???? kicking eachother around the house

Newsflash...

2006-11-06T17:12:00.000+01:00

Isn't it funny, the things we call 'news'?

I was thinking about saying s'th in my blog about the one thing I thought whole the world was watching yesterday, and in the meantime I visited some of my friends blogs.

Great was my surprise that virtually all the blogs talked about the newest scandal in one of the churches that are world famous on the US-side of the ocean. Sexual immorality was of course the sad content of the problem. And the secular world licked their lips: 'Yeah, sure, their God is love they say.'

On the European side of the big barrier full of waves, most of us were glued to the screen, to see again and again Saddam Husein playing his play on the stage of the world. How could he know that the part of the world he was yelling to the most, was concerned with something that really hurts (?) He kept on yelling Allahu akhbar and death to virtually the rest of the world. Maybe he doesn't take this death sentence serious, just as the one before was never acted out.

What is on our minds? What are the things we think are important?
Messages from all over the world came in the news, with almost one thought: happiness that finally the big bad man is going to be hanged. As the newsreaders stated, isn't it strange that even countries that disgust the death penalty, said this time that it is the only righteous penalty for a dictator like Saddam? Some even said this isn't penalty enough.

No, I like the approach I heard sometimes in penalties to do right (to often Jewish cases); "Why should we want to react in the same way those terrible criminals treated us? That will make us one of them."

I wish all of us lots of wisdom (applied knowledge) in reacting on the things we hear or see for the first time. Things we call news.

Isn't all the news old? Isn't it all done before? Don't we all know from history the things we should look out for, the things my mom always warned me for?

A very interesting history book talks about throwing the first stone, and nobody did.
Not even the One who was the only one fitting the profile to throw....

Warship?

2006-10-29T09:21:00.000+01:00

It's still very strange to read (and hear about) all the odd ways in letting eachother free (NOT) in how to praise our Lord and Saviour. For some nice thoughts about this subject, read some of one of my soulmates www.robbymac.org. (you are so right, Robby, thanx for your sharing of experiences)
An artist has a free mind, (a very nice present from our Creator) why is it apparantly so difficult for some of them, to see the same need of freedom for others? Aren't we all artists, of life? Are we not made to reflect Gods pluriformity, to show all the sides of our Almighty God? Just by having some gifts and working together?
Why is it that some of us just want to press s'b else in a frame? Is it concern about the salvation of the other? Or is it because 'our way is the only right way'?
The only thing to prevent this attitude is, living very close to God, I think: Praying and especially listening. Sometimes I think: if Jesus would be in our church, would He apply for worshipleader? And IF He did, would He fit our worshipleader-profile? Or would He thunder a 'message from God' from the stage, or try to convince all of us by sitting next to us and tell a story, as He did so often when He was still among us, to let us discover the truth ourselves? Would He apply for an elder? I sometimes get the creeps when I think of Jesus walking into our nowaday life: what would He cry about, that we have a hard time to understand?
What would He say to us?: 'well done, my dear bride!'

I pray for us, to grow in relationship with our Lover!

There's no time to think about time

2006-10-15T21:17:00.000+02:00

I need to learn this: write down my thoughts as they appear
BUT! there's a problem, and it's NOT lack of thoughts...

ah-well-whatever

Lots of things appear to be timeless. Like the way people communicate with each other, or with God, or with themselves. Again I was stunned by the power of power. Leading to destruction of characters.
Isn't it amazing that manipulation still exists in the world? Couldn't we expect that all those generations between paradise and now, should learn the surviving fittest ones that trying to stomp other living souls into frames-made-by-ME-MYSELF-I, is killing the own souls slowly but surely? Not even speaking of the stomped souls. Yeah, well, rhetorical question: the king of lies still succeeds in fogging the way we receive messages.
Friday I learned that some 50% of audible communication isn't even understood in the way it was send, and just some 10% will be remembered. The messages sent by victims of manipulation (done by or to them) will be blocked by 100%, probably. I found some fog machines, and the big one is unbelief. Especially in our christian inner circle.
Even though we are not of this world, we sometimes awfully look like we are. Misuse of power and use of manipulation is inside churches and christian organisations just as common as outside. Why is this still happening? Why can't we talk to our brothers and sisters in an open and trust full way about anything? Why is the way-of-the-Kingdom (as is a standing phrase in the Reformed liberated churches these days) in communication so often not even in sight? Why do brothers and sisters still not believe the existence of manipulation close by (and not only in the way women treat their men...)? And why is almost everybody running away from the ones who address these problems in christian circles?

Ah, well. Our first big encounter of the manipulation-kind isn't even cold yet, and one of the subjects of my study appears to be: 'how-to-run-church', with a guest speaker (Ton Wintels, yeah, Dutch :-D) who wrote a book: "Power and manipulation ... of course nonexistent among christian leaders!??". During his lecture we received a handout with some lists of characteristics of manipulative leaders, beloved things said by those leaders, how to recognize manipulative leaders or organisations, and so on. Suddenly it struck me again that the things he told us, were the same things we encountered during half a year (recently), in a christian organisation (the ones who could do something about that situation, did it, so it won't happen again! Praise God!) But even worse, those were the same things I had very very bad feelings about last week, because I saw christian-manipulation's ugly face again.
We agreed that it looks like God prepared us (my husband and me) to be the ones who are able to recognize this coming up, and have the experience to address it. I don't like it. Whoever is reading this: please pray for this situation to be solved, and for us, because it is put right in front of us (we can't even run away :-S)

to be continued...

a very little one

2006-09-29T11:03:00.000+02:00

Hi !!
BIG news:
My little brother just got his first child!!
Pictures will follow as soon as I have the chance to take one or two (we will try to visit them this afternoon, and I'll have my picturetaker with me...)

test

2006-09-27T10:19:00.001+02:00

Diana will soon start