Some days with couching, nausea, low temperature, headache and such, urged me to lay down in our dark bedroom. Of course there is much sleeping involved, but also lots of time staring at the ceiling. We do have a very boring ceiling, I discovered. So, in my mind I redesigned somewhat of my dreams, got a new idea here and there, and talked to a lot of friends... Too bad they couldn't hear me (h'm, maybe some of them did).
Didn't talk to God that much though. Somehow I lost some of my freedom in talking to Him. We used to chit-chat about everything during the day, but I lost that connection somewhere. I know I'll find it back after I have peeled off the stubborn parts of my guard.
We (yep, coach/therapist) started with trying to reconnect with me myself. You know, it's a strange challenge to try to find yourself under all the layers of protection. Paul tells us (Galatians) that we should put Gods given armor on, but I think I took that WAY too litteraly, and took all I could find in His creation, to put on for selfprotection. Of course that did cover the spiritual armor of what Paul is talking about. The challenge is to be brave again. Fight myself in a way. The journey is fun though. Especially now that I don't try it on my own, I think for the first time in my life. The therapist I found feels good, I trust her, she's almost as crazy as I was (historic proof??? I don't know, maybe it's just in my head), and she found a way to cope with her gifts.
So, I found out that thinking with a headache doesn't make the last one worse, just the first one more chaotic.
The Arts-Hotel I have in my head emerged fresh from under the dust, because someone I trust said that she saw sort of flames and sparks while I was telling about the dreams I have. Although I was very enthousiastic about all of my dreams and passions, this one stood out. Therefore I did some rethinking. I added some Castle in Scotland. Talked about it with a friend overthere, she got some of my enthousiasm too. Added our farm idea, growing most of our own food and such. Worked out my ideas about the wellness/spa thing, adding my massage somewhere.
You know what: I constantly come across the name Juillard. This week right up my face three times. First time had to do with dance, second time was arts, third time was jazz. Of course immediately I started reflecting on my arts: wouldn't it be cool to give myself the time to do something with my instruments... or my poor brushes... or get my camera upgraded. I should buy tickets to Tijuana, to go to my friend Wendy, to attend her photography classes next year. Wow. And I would just LOVE to get me a space to work it all out, a studio, for music and painting and photo/film editing.
Now that I can't buy the jacket I wanted for the money I got for my birthday, I can buy a massage table... and get the practicing going! Or maybe the fruit trees I want in my garden. Or a juice maker, to get the best juice from my own fruits. Or a drying oven for making my own beef jerky. Or a WII.
I want big stairs in my Arts Hotel. With enough room to put a big X-mas tree in the middle. Not exactly like the Arts Fabrik Hotel in Germany, where we once were (after a Rock Legends festival), that felt like they have just modern arts. Although I want to have some of that craziness that some spots in the hotel have (dining hall, some rooms). Hotel Arts Barcelona is modern and looks good, but suits more the rich and wealthy. Also the painted rooms in Hotel des Arts in San Francisco are maybe a little too much for most of the visitors I'm aiming for...
I want it more feeling like the Castle-Hotel we stayed during our grandfather's 90'th birthday: warm, with lots of history in it, high ceilings, big fires, big stairs. Where artists of all kinds can find a place to relax, to reflect, to find peace, to find inspiration, to work, to talk to other freaks like them :D
A well, having some of the dogs I always loved: the Borsoi. Having lots of space for the kids and Borsois to play and have fun, and learn from nature. Wouldn't that be cool.
Not the city like I was plunged in during the film "save the last dance". But it was slammin' to dive in the culture overthere. The film is so good in getting the atmosphere in your head, I felt it, I even wanted to learn to dance more, again. There was also a good balance in feeling sorry for the mayhem some black people in the US land in, ánd the pride some other black people from the same community show, that get them out of the prejudice some whites have. I did feel sorry for the struggles there, appearantly, still are between people who just have a different colour.
I could go on with this, now that I try to recall the last days, staring at the ceiling.
Honestly, I want to try to really get my thoughts on 'paper', and not only the censured version.
Welcome to the mind of a sensation-seeking-HSP.
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