emerging...

There's a lake in the mountains. Fed by the year round rains, and the water that is running of the mountains. Water from once cold ice and snow fields, it started to melt and ran into the lake. It was formed long ago, and hold in the hands of the mountains. There is also a little stream going out of the lake, to disappear. A big stream is running trough the mountains, right to the sea. During hard times, when the sun is burning the water surface, some water disappears too, into the air. A bit of that vapor returned when the atmosphere started to be cooler again.
It is known that the lake was almost dried up in early days. Some water appeared to be stored into the surrounding soil, because not all the flora around the lake died.
It is a big lake, that mirrored the mountains all around. Just that was long ago. The place where the big lake was, is still there, but the water level is low again. Not too low, but still not on the intended level.
There is something strange. The mountains can not be seen mirrored in the water anymore, their only reflection appears like a big blob, no details. But there are also no waves to be seen. Not even the tiniest one. That was a lot different in early days: lots of storms reached the water surface, and blew even waves with lots of vapor coming out. But these days: not even a gentle breeze, those relaxing breezes that cool of a little, and gives the feeling of being caressed.
There is also an other strange thing: the water does not reflect the light from the sun that much anymore. It is as if the water is not completely made out of the same substance as long before. There is a sort of veil over it. It looks like .................

Suddenly the water surface is showing some riddles! It is not the gentle breeze that is already blowing for ages, because it's not all over the lake. There is something stirring up the water. The water looks like honey, sticky, hard to shake off. As if it is trying to keep the surface as flat as possible.
But on several places there's something coming out of the surface. Here and there are little fish to see that try to get some air, and how strange it seems: they try to get that air above the surface instead of under it. It is surprising that no one is trying to chop their little heads off. That was what they feared. They finally found a way to catch air again, to catch that lovely breeze again.

say and do what you are??

If the above statement is true, I don't want to really know everybody who is expressing themselves in their saying or doing.


In The Netherlands we have a saying that goes like: The way the hotel keeper is, that's how he trusts his guests. Very blunt people just say: "I don't believe what you say." as if you thought out all those words in vain. In real life it goes usually very sneaky, in something like this: "The way we acted is based upon your lack of responsibility, you are known to not giving any attention to rules; but this time we were wrong." And in the meantime you wonder where they get that idea from, and why the speaker of this sentence is using you as an excuse of his own fault. Well: then you have encountered a real saying-hotel keeper. Mark this, and stay suspicious. The only problem that rises, is that the suspiciousness is way too easy turned into a state of saying-hotel keeper and in that case you have your own way of being that hotel keeper. I almost turned into that state. Some leaders of the school of our kids just told us that they don't trust us, and yes, it was because of our supposed not giving attention to the rules.


So, never be a hotel keeper: everybody is watching you. The same as being a pastor, I have heard. Just like being a woman walking, just by yourself, on the street.



The good thing is: I never walk alone.


The problem is: I am trying to learn how to be an official pastor. So in some years, I will be watched.


Next: I have a dream: starting a hotel.... does that make me the hotel keeper???

control-freak

A typical pilot; that's what I am.
I'm a control freak.
I never want to give the control out of my hands, into other human hands.
There's only One Who is allowed and able to get 'my' controls: He's the chief pilot.

Maybe this is the time in my life where He is teaching me not only to be a better co-pilot in my life, but also to see and accept the fact that there are way more people on Earth that are better co-pilots than just me. And that I need them too.
Because we're not just flying the plane, but also sailing the boat of life, and sailing a huge boat is done with lots and lots of people and equipment.

I try to learn that life is not about flying alone.
It's about sailing, working together, because you simply are not able to do all things in life everywhere at the same time and in the best way. Others are given to fill my gaps, and I am given to others to fill their gaps. That's team-work. Community.

My flight instructor (http://www.christianwings.org/) taught me to be very self confident, almost arrogant, because the minute you question your abilities, you fail in the challenging task that is before you. But also: the minute you become arrogant, you take too much risk, and fail that task the other way. A matter of life or death.
He was so right.



It's all about trust.
In yourself.
In others.
In the Captain.





Confidence comes when you know who you are, they say. Or when you accomplish something, or get a degree, or when others accept you. Most of us people seek acceptance, from other seekers.
We don't have too search: acceptance is ours, from the Captain Himself for crying out loud!
Why is it that we keep on searching?
Because knowing is not enough?! We need to feel it too. Feel that the steering wheel is still moving after we lift our hands to really give the controls away. We need to feel to discover that we weren't steering in the first place, just holding the joke: to feel what it should be like: keeping track.



I'm slowly learning again to look around to rediscover the scenery.

(check out http://www.bush-planes.com/ where I got some of these pic's from!)

(this post was planned to be posted somewhere in Spring, but got delayed due to me getting my picture to be scanned....)