.... would be Jesus Christs church!
Every believer would say 'amen' to that, I pray.
But what exactly ís Jesus' church looking like these days? Sort of the same as it did some two thousand years ago? Does it take into account those two thousand years of possibility to grow? Did Jesus' church by the way learn anything during those two thousand years? What do we believe to be the best representative of His church today, in our own neighbourhood? Does that even matter: surrounding neighbourhood, culture? Is Jesus' church here with me in Holland, Dordrecht even, different, in style or expression or so, from the church somewhere else? Even somewhere else in Holland? Is Jesus' church a city church or a nature church? Is that all Jesus' church? Or are on different places different churches of Jesus? How are we as humans able to be accountable to each other? Is there a sort of blueprint to find, what the basis is where to build the church of Cornerstone Jesus on? Can we help each other to build 'our' churches while we are so different? Do we need all be the same, think the same, dress the same? Did God create culture too? As He created different environments, created different languages, created different people, created different colours..... etc., did He gave us the possibility to create His church on His earth in the same pluri-form way? Did our Creator even give us the possibilities to create ourselves? Are we Creative too? So what to do with our (lack of?) creativity; in life, in culture, in church?
I wonder what 'my' church would look like....
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Sunday, November 18, 2007
emerging...
There's a lake in the mountains. Fed by the year round rains, and the water that is running of the mountains. Water from once cold ice and snow fields, it started to melt and ran into the lake. It was formed long ago, and hold in the hands of the mountains. There is also a little stream going out of the lake, to disappear. A big stream is running trough the mountains, right to the sea. During hard times, when the sun is burning the water surface, some water disappears too, into the air. A bit of that vapor returned when the atmosphere started to be cooler again.
It is known that the lake was almost dried up in early days. Some water appeared to be stored into the surrounding soil, because not all the flora around the lake died.
It is a big lake, that mirrored the mountains all around. Just that was long ago. The place where the big lake was, is still there, but the water level is low again. Not too low, but still not on the intended level.
There is something strange. The mountains can not be seen mirrored in the water anymore, their only reflection appears like a big blob, no details. But there are also no waves to be seen. Not even the tiniest one. That was a lot different in early days: lots of storms reached the water surface, and blew even waves with lots of vapor coming out. But these days: not even a gentle breeze, those relaxing breezes that cool of a little, and gives the feeling of being caressed.
There is also an other strange thing: the water does not reflect the light from the sun that much anymore. It is as if the water is not completely made out of the same substance as long before. There is a sort of veil over it. It looks like .................
Suddenly the water surface is showing some riddles! It is not the gentle breeze that is already blowing for ages, because it's not all over the lake. There is something stirring up the water. The water looks like honey, sticky, hard to shake off. As if it is trying to keep the surface as flat as possible.
But on several places there's something coming out of the surface. Here and there are little fish to see that try to get some air, and how strange it seems: they try to get that air above the surface instead of under it. It is surprising that no one is trying to chop their little heads off. That was what they feared. They finally found a way to catch air again, to catch that lovely breeze again.
It is known that the lake was almost dried up in early days. Some water appeared to be stored into the surrounding soil, because not all the flora around the lake died.
It is a big lake, that mirrored the mountains all around. Just that was long ago. The place where the big lake was, is still there, but the water level is low again. Not too low, but still not on the intended level.
There is something strange. The mountains can not be seen mirrored in the water anymore, their only reflection appears like a big blob, no details. But there are also no waves to be seen. Not even the tiniest one. That was a lot different in early days: lots of storms reached the water surface, and blew even waves with lots of vapor coming out. But these days: not even a gentle breeze, those relaxing breezes that cool of a little, and gives the feeling of being caressed.
There is also an other strange thing: the water does not reflect the light from the sun that much anymore. It is as if the water is not completely made out of the same substance as long before. There is a sort of veil over it. It looks like .................
Suddenly the water surface is showing some riddles! It is not the gentle breeze that is already blowing for ages, because it's not all over the lake. There is something stirring up the water. The water looks like honey, sticky, hard to shake off. As if it is trying to keep the surface as flat as possible.
But on several places there's something coming out of the surface. Here and there are little fish to see that try to get some air, and how strange it seems: they try to get that air above the surface instead of under it. It is surprising that no one is trying to chop their little heads off. That was what they feared. They finally found a way to catch air again, to catch that lovely breeze again.
say and do what you are??
If the above statement is true, I don't want to really know everybody who is expressing themselves in their saying or doing.
In The Netherlands we have a saying that goes like: The way the hotel keeper is, that's how he trusts his guests. Very blunt people just say: "I don't believe what you say." as if you thought out all those words in vain. In real life it goes usually very sneaky, in something like this: "The way we acted is based upon your lack of responsibility, you are known to not giving any attention to rules; but this time we were wrong." And in the meantime you wonder where they get that idea from, and why the speaker of this sentence is using you as an excuse of his own fault. Well: then you have encountered a real saying-hotel keeper. Mark this, and stay suspicious. The only problem that rises, is that the suspiciousness is way too easy turned into a state of saying-hotel keeper and in that case you have your own way of being that hotel keeper. I almost turned into that state. Some leaders of the school of our kids just told us that they don't trust us, and yes, it was because of our supposed not giving attention to the rules.
So, never be a hotel keeper: everybody is watching you. The same as being a pastor, I have heard. Just like being a woman walking, just by yourself, on the street.
The good thing is: I never walk alone.
The problem is: I am trying to learn how to be an official pastor. So in some years, I will be watched.
Next: I have a dream: starting a hotel.... does that make me the hotel keeper???
In The Netherlands we have a saying that goes like: The way the hotel keeper is, that's how he trusts his guests. Very blunt people just say: "I don't believe what you say." as if you thought out all those words in vain. In real life it goes usually very sneaky, in something like this: "The way we acted is based upon your lack of responsibility, you are known to not giving any attention to rules; but this time we were wrong." And in the meantime you wonder where they get that idea from, and why the speaker of this sentence is using you as an excuse of his own fault. Well: then you have encountered a real saying-hotel keeper. Mark this, and stay suspicious. The only problem that rises, is that the suspiciousness is way too easy turned into a state of saying-hotel keeper and in that case you have your own way of being that hotel keeper. I almost turned into that state. Some leaders of the school of our kids just told us that they don't trust us, and yes, it was because of our supposed not giving attention to the rules.
So, never be a hotel keeper: everybody is watching you. The same as being a pastor, I have heard. Just like being a woman walking, just by yourself, on the street.
The good thing is: I never walk alone.
The problem is: I am trying to learn how to be an official pastor. So in some years, I will be watched.
Next: I have a dream: starting a hotel.... does that make me the hotel keeper???
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
control-freak
A typical pilot; that's what I am.
I'm a control freak.
I never want to give the control out of my hands, into other human hands.
There's only One Who is allowed and able to get 'my' controls: He's the chief pilot.
Maybe this is the time in my life where He is teaching me not only to be a better co-pilot in my life, but also to see and accept the fact that there are way more people on Earth that are better co-pilots than just me. And that I need them too.
Because we're not just flying the plane, but also sailing the boat of life, and sailing a huge boat is done with lots and lots of people and equipment.
I try to learn that life is not about flying alone.
It's about sailing, working together, because you simply are not able to do all things in life everywhere at the same time and in the best way. Others are given to fill my gaps, and I am given to others to fill their gaps. That's team-work. Community.
My flight instructor (http://www.christianwings.org/) taught me to be very self confident, almost arrogant, because the minute you question your abilities, you fail in the challenging task that is before you. But also: the minute you become arrogant, you take too much risk, and fail that task the other way. A matter of life or death.
He was so right.
It's all about trust.
In yourself.
In others.
In the Captain.
Confidence comes when you know who you are, they say. Or when you accomplish something, or get a degree, or when others accept you. Most of us people seek acceptance, from other seekers.
We don't have too search: acceptance is ours, from the Captain Himself for crying out loud!
Why is it that we keep on searching?
Because knowing is not enough?! We need to feel it too. Feel that the steering wheel is still moving after we lift our hands to really give the controls away. We need to feel to discover that we weren't steering in the first place, just holding the joke: to feel what it should be like: keeping track.
I'm slowly learning again to look around to rediscover the scenery.
(check out http://www.bush-planes.com/ where I got some of these pic's from!)
I'm a control freak.
I never want to give the control out of my hands, into other human hands.
There's only One Who is allowed and able to get 'my' controls: He's the chief pilot.
Maybe this is the time in my life where He is teaching me not only to be a better co-pilot in my life, but also to see and accept the fact that there are way more people on Earth that are better co-pilots than just me. And that I need them too.
Because we're not just flying the plane, but also sailing the boat of life, and sailing a huge boat is done with lots and lots of people and equipment.
I try to learn that life is not about flying alone.
It's about sailing, working together, because you simply are not able to do all things in life everywhere at the same time and in the best way. Others are given to fill my gaps, and I am given to others to fill their gaps. That's team-work. Community.
My flight instructor (http://www.christianwings.org/) taught me to be very self confident, almost arrogant, because the minute you question your abilities, you fail in the challenging task that is before you. But also: the minute you become arrogant, you take too much risk, and fail that task the other way. A matter of life or death.
He was so right.
It's all about trust.
In yourself.
In others.
In the Captain.
Confidence comes when you know who you are, they say. Or when you accomplish something, or get a degree, or when others accept you. Most of us people seek acceptance, from other seekers.
We don't have too search: acceptance is ours, from the Captain Himself for crying out loud!
Why is it that we keep on searching?
Because knowing is not enough?! We need to feel it too. Feel that the steering wheel is still moving after we lift our hands to really give the controls away. We need to feel to discover that we weren't steering in the first place, just holding the joke: to feel what it should be like: keeping track.
I'm slowly learning again to look around to rediscover the scenery.
(check out http://www.bush-planes.com/ where I got some of these pic's from!)
(this post was planned to be posted somewhere in Spring, but got delayed due to me getting my picture to be scanned....)
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Geisler, Turek and Brown
There isn't a time that I'm not trying to read a book, or more at the same time, with the only exception the time that I'm freakin' ill. I love reading a book in as litle time that I'm able to, and love to read about the time that others have, spend, had or want to have. So that's about everything.
Last summer I was seriously freakin' ill. I got sick of it after two weeks, went to the physician, and he told me my immune system was recovering from a pneumonia-in-the-making. In the Netherlands that means: no medicine, because my body did a good job. Thanx. The following two weeks all the more or less empty spaces in my body filled up with infections, just enough to keep my temperature nice and warm. Hey, the good thing is: my immune system is back in business! so I will be as healthy as a horse the coming years.... The freakin' bad thing was: I couldn't even read!
So: I had to keep up after that. And that's now!
I couldn't resist: after all the fuss about it, the resistance of my dear husband to buy it and with that raise the selling numbers, and after I tried to read it during our YwaM DTS outreach in Fort McMurray, I finally red the Da Vinci Code 'till the end in two days.
After that I resumed the book of Norman Geisler and Frank Turek: "I don't have enough faith to be an atheist". Not as an antidote, it's one of the books I was reading before the summer. But it felt like a breath of fresh air in my world of science. Some of my other books in reading progress are the books "Evolution: a theory in crisis", from Michael Denton, and "Ecclesiology" from Veli-Matti Karkkainen. Those are a little more tough to read. Geisler and Turek make science even more fun. Just like Lee Strobel in his book "The Case for Christ", and more of his 'case' books; they write as if they are standing in front of you, telling you the stuff, and showing slides. You go for a little pause to get yourself a coffee, and happily go on with the lecture. To learn and remember.
Within this context I read The Da Vinci Code. I had my science- button 'on', so I loved the facts and science Dan Brown weaves into his book, but of course stumbled in his brilliant pits with non-science presented as science, and beliefs presented as science, and science presented as faith, larded with lots of legends and history: I had my pencil already in my hand to put the answers, other and real facts next to the text (as I do with my study books). Just in time I remembered the fact that I borrowed the book from my dear friend (so no writing!). After a big breath, I remembered the facts Brown noted on the first page of this book, and the reality of the book: it's a good-guys-bad-guys novel. I love that suspense. He almost got me. Every ten-some pages. I did read all his other suspence-novels these last weeks, and loved it, although I thought The Da Vinci Code was his best. Maybe I got used to his style.
Now I'm into studybooks again. I have to say: that suits me better. It's more freeing my grey cells and leads me more into connecting with the subject, maybe just because it is all about the real thing... ?!
Last summer I was seriously freakin' ill. I got sick of it after two weeks, went to the physician, and he told me my immune system was recovering from a pneumonia-in-the-making. In the Netherlands that means: no medicine, because my body did a good job. Thanx. The following two weeks all the more or less empty spaces in my body filled up with infections, just enough to keep my temperature nice and warm. Hey, the good thing is: my immune system is back in business! so I will be as healthy as a horse the coming years.... The freakin' bad thing was: I couldn't even read!
So: I had to keep up after that. And that's now!
I couldn't resist: after all the fuss about it, the resistance of my dear husband to buy it and with that raise the selling numbers, and after I tried to read it during our YwaM DTS outreach in Fort McMurray, I finally red the Da Vinci Code 'till the end in two days.
After that I resumed the book of Norman Geisler and Frank Turek: "I don't have enough faith to be an atheist". Not as an antidote, it's one of the books I was reading before the summer. But it felt like a breath of fresh air in my world of science. Some of my other books in reading progress are the books "Evolution: a theory in crisis", from Michael Denton, and "Ecclesiology" from Veli-Matti Karkkainen. Those are a little more tough to read. Geisler and Turek make science even more fun. Just like Lee Strobel in his book "The Case for Christ", and more of his 'case' books; they write as if they are standing in front of you, telling you the stuff, and showing slides. You go for a little pause to get yourself a coffee, and happily go on with the lecture. To learn and remember.
Within this context I read The Da Vinci Code. I had my science- button 'on', so I loved the facts and science Dan Brown weaves into his book, but of course stumbled in his brilliant pits with non-science presented as science, and beliefs presented as science, and science presented as faith, larded with lots of legends and history: I had my pencil already in my hand to put the answers, other and real facts next to the text (as I do with my study books). Just in time I remembered the fact that I borrowed the book from my dear friend (so no writing!). After a big breath, I remembered the facts Brown noted on the first page of this book, and the reality of the book: it's a good-guys-bad-guys novel. I love that suspense. He almost got me. Every ten-some pages. I did read all his other suspence-novels these last weeks, and loved it, although I thought The Da Vinci Code was his best. Maybe I got used to his style.
Now I'm into studybooks again. I have to say: that suits me better. It's more freeing my grey cells and leads me more into connecting with the subject, maybe just because it is all about the real thing... ?!
Monday, September 03, 2007
SMAC JULY 2007
Now this is something I longed for for years, and you know what? This year was the 10th anniversary of SMAC..... I just didn't look in the right direction. Reminds me of my conversation with God: He keeps on talking to me, but I just don't listen in the right direction. Happy me: I found some who dared to talk about their walk with God, so I could learn. My first learning happened within our YwaM-DTS student-team, and my second step in the learning process was during SMAC.
SMAC stands for Schloss Mittersill Arts Conference. The organizers loved it so much, that they want to go on for some other decades: THANK YOU, I love you, and I'll be coming there for ever! - that was a between brackets remark -
SMAC 2007 was my first conference with all Christians and just the arts: visual as in painting, drawing, 3D-art, film, drama and musical as in choir and percussion (the musical arrangement workshop had just 2 workshoppers, and we were send to the choir and percussion.... well, see you next year Martin M. (site in Austrian(!) and English) or maybe I'll go on with the percussion-workshop-year-two) and of course lots'a talkin'. We learned a lot about how to use art to get to the basics of live, to give others the opportunity to catch a little about the believe we have, and that Christian art has nothing to do with painting crosses or doves all the time. I learned some new rhythms from our groovin' and funny teacher Willi P. (with an Austrian website to be build, but it has at least his picture) and got to know lots of new friends! And of course (important for the percussionist in me) that 'Sing a NEW song' really does mean a NEW song. Not something old in a new jacket, although it is by then much better to digest.
The NEW in making a song is appealing to me, because I tend to write poetry sometimes: what's the difficulty of applying all the rules of songwriting workshops I had??? 'Just do it', I hear in my head. Those new jackets apply for me just to Scripture. All other old things to be made shiny again, have more to do with old wine in new wine-bags. I have a big thing in my head that could be the framework of something musical: turn the Psalms and other Scripture verses into something that can be sung in the churches. But also has potential of being used in praise-and-worship nights, or concerts of rock bands (like ours, nope, no website yet ;-D). And the best part: write that much music to it, that it makes a philharmonic orchestra sound good.... ..... ..... ..... okay, needs lots of education for me.... But hey: sometimes we need a good, big, far away goal, to remind us of our God Who is never too small, although He is too often thought of that way!! My God is bigger than my dreams, so I'll just pray, and find that Conservatory (too bad: just Dutch site) that loves to teach me after I finished my Bible school (thinkin' international, but still a Dutch site) ...Oh, and SMAC even awakened my painting and drawing skills, and gave me the opportunity to take lots of pictures to put somewhere on my (future) websites and in my portfolio to get some freelance jobs as a starting photographer... with the Department of Agriculture in the Netherlands for instance ;-D (always start dreaming big ?)
Now I just need some more time, like 72 hours in one day or so... maybe I should teach myself to work 4 times as hard as I do now... ???
REFLECTION
Some dear friends of us (they are like a mom and dad to me) loved to see the pictures and hear the stories of our adventures at DTS 2006 and SMAC 2007, and they are not believers in Christ. That made me wonder: how could I use my arts to show them the love of Christ for them???? They already know the church-stories about believing, heaven and hell, and lots of traditions. They rejected that.
They've known me for all my life, and I love them so dearly, and still I have not been able to get to their hearts with the Good Message, and it's hurting me!
"Oh Lord, may all the dreams you gave and will give me, comfort, strengthen or affirm others, and may they even lead to salvation of some,
may my second-parents Jan & Hilda be among them, even better: be the first ones to come to You....
may my second-parents Jan & Hilda be among them, even better: be the first ones to come to You....
AMEN"
Sunday, July 29, 2007
pride, prejudice and predestination?
My son got placed in a box. He is the tallest of his class, he just had his first half year of school, he is a typical wait-and-watch kind 'a guy, and he's very sensitive.
So, with all this ingredients, his teacher asked me one day if we managed to get him to the street dance lessons where we took a look once. Yeah, because he's a tall guy and he's a little different and slow in his moving skills, she said, but, hey, that's something that's more often the case with those long people.
Well, we are all long people in both our families, and we have a history of all very strong people in my part of the family. We are tall and slender, not the bigger kind with big hands and stuff. And we are all very good in fine moving skills: fine arts and the aim and shoot bulls eye kind of things. No clumsy person around (except for the glasses of chocolate milk that get launched once in a wile, but hey: all under-five-year-old's have that problem sometimes). Predestination.
And that's Jonathan too. On top of that: the teacher got by the time she made the remark, three times to check his moving skills, and after some time he got 'the moves' and was faster than the rest, because he has long legs and loves dancing. Conclusion: he is tall, a little shy, very sensitive, so he must have problems with big and small moves. -sigh- Prejudice.
So here comes my maternal instinct: my little baby is growing up to be a big guy, and I'm proud of that! He's just as sensitive as I am, as his big sis is, and as the other ones in the world who are not being understood by most other parts of that same world.
Would he suffer just like me, from his sensitivity? Predestination?
Would he turn into something he is not, because of expectations outside himself? Prejudice? Why does that have to start this early?
Would he one day find himself back in the arms of His Creator and finally know his destination, his only audience of One, his personality, again? With Pride?
I pray that he is allowed to discover the prejudice-part lots later than my hubby and I did.
I pray that he is allowed to discover the predestination-part and especially that last part a little more early than we did.
Amen.
So, with all this ingredients, his teacher asked me one day if we managed to get him to the street dance lessons where we took a look once. Yeah, because he's a tall guy and he's a little different and slow in his moving skills, she said, but, hey, that's something that's more often the case with those long people.
Well, we are all long people in both our families, and we have a history of all very strong people in my part of the family. We are tall and slender, not the bigger kind with big hands and stuff. And we are all very good in fine moving skills: fine arts and the aim and shoot bulls eye kind of things. No clumsy person around (except for the glasses of chocolate milk that get launched once in a wile, but hey: all under-five-year-old's have that problem sometimes). Predestination.
And that's Jonathan too. On top of that: the teacher got by the time she made the remark, three times to check his moving skills, and after some time he got 'the moves' and was faster than the rest, because he has long legs and loves dancing. Conclusion: he is tall, a little shy, very sensitive, so he must have problems with big and small moves. -sigh- Prejudice.
So here comes my maternal instinct: my little baby is growing up to be a big guy, and I'm proud of that! He's just as sensitive as I am, as his big sis is, and as the other ones in the world who are not being understood by most other parts of that same world.
Would he suffer just like me, from his sensitivity? Predestination?
Would he turn into something he is not, because of expectations outside himself? Prejudice? Why does that have to start this early?
Would he one day find himself back in the arms of His Creator and finally know his destination, his only audience of One, his personality, again? With Pride?
I pray that he is allowed to discover the prejudice-part lots later than my hubby and I did.
I pray that he is allowed to discover the predestination-part and especially that last part a little more early than we did.
Amen.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Why is the time always gone...
nope, I wasn't dying the past some months
on the contrary:
* praying about how to end my school (dutch site): with a masters? first 2 centuries? linked with post-modern 21 century? involving the one and only communications-area that seems to be relevant in a individualistic society that's dying to know how to express themselves without getting overheated..... ? yep: ARTS! (maybe I can make a PhD out of that ;-D - as I hear some rockin' freaks yell: 'dream on! you're fooling yourself, so dream on!' (Nazareth, yeah, I know, bad me, I can't help it, I just heard that phrase in my head))
* trying to get the meaning of several dreams I had: finding a cure for me, a cream, a text, a Zoo; taking cover in a ditch, getting up in the middle of a fight and remember my destiny, be in charge of a castle/fortress, defend it with 'my' army (intriguing)
* recovering fast from our F-DTS experience: a week of Joseph Avakian in the last lecturephase of the Creative-DTS in Aalesund, lots and lots of meetings with students, staff, board, directors in Norway and the leaders of the LPC course in Restenas Sweden -> experiencing the good of YwaM (the bad and ugly have a place now, they're eaten and digested - yaharrrr)
* elected to be board member for our choir 'Sjofar' (dutch site) (okay, okay, I am the naive rookie.... let's keep it that way ;-D)
* trying to find out what's the best way to build networks in the European/World artist community, if that community even exists.... and found out that there will be a conference (6-14 of July) in Mittersill, Austria, that's exactly what we had in mind (musicians, visual artists, teachings, workshops, yummm); so now I just have to figure out the cheapest way to go there....
... and of course in the first place: trying to raise our kids in a place they can call 'home': where the 5 of us are together; raise them to be the best warriors in Gods army He made them to be; raise them to see the good, bad and ugly in the world, to support the good, work on the bad, and transform the ugly, especially in the Earthly part of Gods Kingdom so that the rest of the world has no reason at all to point fingers!
And we want to teach our god given miracles in the knowledge that the only haven they can trust is Gods, and that we as parents try to represent that the best we can.
Everyday we start with the last part, usually I quit too early, try to make a little bit of all the rest, and still I ask myself 'Why's the time always gone..?' ;-D
on the contrary:
* praying about how to end my school (dutch site): with a masters? first 2 centuries? linked with post-modern 21 century? involving the one and only communications-area that seems to be relevant in a individualistic society that's dying to know how to express themselves without getting overheated..... ? yep: ARTS! (maybe I can make a PhD out of that ;-D - as I hear some rockin' freaks yell: 'dream on! you're fooling yourself, so dream on!' (Nazareth, yeah, I know, bad me, I can't help it, I just heard that phrase in my head))
* trying to get the meaning of several dreams I had: finding a cure for me, a cream, a text, a Zoo; taking cover in a ditch, getting up in the middle of a fight and remember my destiny, be in charge of a castle/fortress, defend it with 'my' army (intriguing)
* recovering fast from our F-DTS experience: a week of Joseph Avakian in the last lecturephase of the Creative-DTS in Aalesund, lots and lots of meetings with students, staff, board, directors in Norway and the leaders of the LPC course in Restenas Sweden -> experiencing the good of YwaM (the bad and ugly have a place now, they're eaten and digested - yaharrrr)
* elected to be board member for our choir 'Sjofar' (dutch site) (okay, okay, I am the naive rookie.... let's keep it that way ;-D)
* trying to find out what's the best way to build networks in the European/World artist community, if that community even exists.... and found out that there will be a conference (6-14 of July) in Mittersill, Austria, that's exactly what we had in mind (musicians, visual artists, teachings, workshops, yummm); so now I just have to figure out the cheapest way to go there....
... and of course in the first place: trying to raise our kids in a place they can call 'home': where the 5 of us are together; raise them to be the best warriors in Gods army He made them to be; raise them to see the good, bad and ugly in the world, to support the good, work on the bad, and transform the ugly, especially in the Earthly part of Gods Kingdom so that the rest of the world has no reason at all to point fingers!
And we want to teach our god given miracles in the knowledge that the only haven they can trust is Gods, and that we as parents try to represent that the best we can.
Everyday we start with the last part, usually I quit too early, try to make a little bit of all the rest, and still I ask myself 'Why's the time always gone..?' ;-D
Monday, March 05, 2007
Free??
Last week I was still surprised that I felt free after a comment somebody made. Of course it wasn't 'just' somebody: this was somebody I deeply respect and love, someone who taught me important aspects of life, someone who would always search for the best for me, and will love me no matter what.
Isn't it strange? I have known that person all my life, I know that person's intentions, I know that person's heart, I listened to everything that person said, I thought, and I believed it. But apparently I didn't do anything with it that should impact my 'status'. Knowing that person didn't reflect in my everyday life. I still was bound and felt it that way, the older I got. Even after growing up (more or less) and setting my own rules, I thought, finding my own way in life, I thought. I held my rules and ways to the Light to let that shine through, but still I was bound. Apparently.
Because now I feel free. Almost completely free. Like a heavy burden falling from my shoulders. Knowing the fact that you are free is apparently something different than getting the exact words that tell that you are free.
I'm free!
There's no one on this Earth with the right to question me.
I have just an audience of One!
That One is most important.
Isn't it strange? I have known that person all my life, I know that person's intentions, I know that person's heart, I listened to everything that person said, I thought, and I believed it. But apparently I didn't do anything with it that should impact my 'status'. Knowing that person didn't reflect in my everyday life. I still was bound and felt it that way, the older I got. Even after growing up (more or less) and setting my own rules, I thought, finding my own way in life, I thought. I held my rules and ways to the Light to let that shine through, but still I was bound. Apparently.
Because now I feel free. Almost completely free. Like a heavy burden falling from my shoulders. Knowing the fact that you are free is apparently something different than getting the exact words that tell that you are free.
I'm free!
There's no one on this Earth with the right to question me.
I have just an audience of One!
That One is most important.
Luckily for the 'little' ones around me, the BIG One told me to be really good and stuff, so that no one on this Earth could tell something about me that could fit in the newest tabloids. Okay, even better, that everybody could only speak good about me, and praise my Creator.
Right!
Let's try that again.
Coming on steam slowly, but surely; maybe one day I will be a really useful steam engine (although I prefer red, in stead of blue)
(thanx to my kids and Robbymac who remind me of those freakin' steam engines on the most strange times and in the most strange places)
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Burn-out
I didn't listen to my own advice
didn't renew my decorations
did stare only to the old ones
kept on staring
My body is hurt
my mind is chaos
my emotions are exploding
my feelings are numb
I have a spirit
somewhere
but it's solid
I have courage
somewhere
but it's hidden
I have words
somewhere
without sound
I have music
somewhere
but it's silent
I have the Spirit
somewhere
I have the Messiah
somewhere
I have the Father
somewhere
He is holding me
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The source of our Borsoi-love: breeder Marij Tuip, The Netherlands.
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